Hey Queen, Let's Talk!!!!
"It is necessary and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it"- Mandy Hale
There is something intimating about the word "boundaries". If one is on the opposite end of those boundaries, it can be relatively easy to take personally when you hear, "this goes against my boundaries" or even worse when one enforces those boundaries. How could someone not be offended, right? It's as if you are being push away or reprimanded. Well, let's dismantle this limiting belief around this word.
Firstly established and/or enforced boundaries has absolutely nothing to do with anyone other than the person establishing them, it is a protection for them.
Let's look at physical barriers or boundaries, when you're riding along in traffic, the construction workers may build a barrier, or boundary to keep themselves and the drivers safe. It may be put in place to prevent you from driving in a ditch, or to prevent the workers from being sideswiped while working. Nonetheless, it is a form of protection. Same goes for an emotional or mental boundary, it's put in place for self preservation!
To be honest, knowing what your boundaries are is the easy part, it's enforcing them that can be tough. I mean just imagine, having to tell someone that something they're doing or have done, unbeknownst to them has went against your boundaries. However, it is necessary. How else will they know? Now you have two types of people, one, doesn't know anything about your boundaries, therefore when violating you can use this as a "teachable" moment, or two, the one who has heard all about your boundaries plenty of times , yet still decides to violate. This person, you keep an arms length away.
"Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect"- Anonymous
The truth about enforcing boundaries is that it's a difficult subject, especially when one has to determine if what they are experiencing is a trigger to their unresolved wounds or a boundary violation. The process to this elimination can be an exhausting one, yet liberating when you discover that there is absolutely nothing wrong with enforcing your boundaries. It gives you a sense of self care to know that you love yourself. enough to say this is as far as I am willing to go, due to whatever reason.
You may ask, what is the relevance to unresolved wounds and establishing boundaries? Well, when one is healing from unresolved wounds part of that healing is establishing healthy sustainable boundaries. So if you are like me, on a healing journey, learning to establish healthy sustainable boundaries but may struggle with enforcing those boundaries, let me help you.
Enforcing boundaries is your attempt to continue your relationship with others. You are ultimately saying , "this is how i want to be treated" and not accepting anything less. When you tell people how you want to be treated, you take the guess work out of it. The challenge becomes knowing if they will respect you enough to treat you the way you desire and deserve to be treated?
"When people set boundaries with you it's their attempt to continue the relationship with you. It's not an attempt to hurt you" -Elizabeth Earnshaw
So Queen, the next time you struggle with enforcing your boundaries, remind yourself that it is your right to know how you desire and deserve to be treated and accept NOTHING less!