Do you want the wedding or the marriage?


Queen, many of us from the time we were little girls fantasize about our wedding day. Playing with our dolls, we had them march down the aisle to the traditional wedding song or our favorite love song at the time. We thought of the colors we would wear, our best friend standing next to us and hearing those infamous words, "you may now kiss your bride" If you were like me, you would have your Barbie doll and Ken doll turn their heads to the side for the kiss while imagining spending the rest of your life in marital bliss, having children, living in a big house with a dog or cat, etc. Then one day, you meet the love of your life and replace the ken doll's face with his, you may even be so lucky for him to pop the question, and all of your childhood fantasies come rushing back to your mind. If you're in the position, you make every attempt to make those fantasies a reality until one day you realize that marriage is so much more than a beautiful wedding. It requires you to put in work.


Two people merging their lives is not the easiest thing to do. You have two different personalities with different thinking, upbringing, standards, morals, and values. How many of us have these conversations in the "dating/courting" phase? If we happen to have these conversations or observe these differences during this phase, we often ignore them because we have tunnel vision of this grand and glorious day. Then there comes a day when you can no longer ignore the things that were apparent in the beginning. It may result in your marriage being broken; this is where the true test of your vows that we repeat to each other in front of friends & family, "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or health, UNTIL DEATH, DO US PART" comes. It's in these moments that standing in your broken marriage can feel like a prison. But honoring your vows to the one you love and promised to spend your life with is the goal. Then to make matters worse, while standing in your broken marriage, you have to deal with the opinions of others who you've given the privilege to speak into your life by telling them your business. This can make "standing" even more difficult.


Queen, there is nothing wrong with standing for your marriage; there is nothing wrong with wanting to honor your vows, recognizing where you are, and love your spouse during those hard times. Those who love you will say things like, "you deserve better," and you may feel the same. It's at this moment where you have to do an inventory of your life and relationship. I have learned that you don't just throw people away because they are human and flawed. You assess the situation; if they are making every attempt to change for themselves, you continue to stand. Many of us want the wedding or status and recognition of being a "wife," But when it's time to put in the work and "stand" for your marriage, that's the true test of your vows.

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