A language is a form of communication. Depending on what part of the world you reside in, your language may sound different to others. Therefore, many of us have mastered the Universal Language of using our hands to emphasize what we intend to convey. When you are fluent in a particular language, you speak it and comprehend it well. Same as, if you were not fluent in a specific language, you wouldn't have the ability to understand what someone was trying to communicate with you. This lack of understanding does not mean that you can not learn the spoken language, but this does require a learning curve.
A Love language is no different. When you know your love language, you communicate it to others even if it is not their love language. So if that person has a different love language, it is quite possible to have a language barrier. This barrier is most prevalent between couples. So it's safe to say that this language barrier is the root cause of most disagreements in romantic relationships. In our podcast "Under The Umbrella Podcast," my husband and I discussed how we came to learn our love languages and how it has changed our relationship forever.
In the world-renowned self-help book "The Five Love Languages," the author Gary Chapman breaks down how to show and receive love. As my husband and I read the book together, we found that it strengthened our understanding of our love languages, broadening our knowledge of each other's love languages. Allowing us to love each other in a way that the other understands. So often, we get stuck in the pattern of loving others the way WE want to be loved instead of loving them. THEY understand love. Then we become frustrated when others don't understand our love communication. So in an attempt to avoid this frustration, let's explore three ways to understand your love language.
"Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to genuinely be loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving." - Gary Chapman
Let's start with understanding what "love language" is. It is the way we show and understand love. The language barrier's misinterpretation can be "I don't love you back" We know the five love languages to be: Words of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, AND Acts of service. But how can we understand what OUR love language is?
Three Ways to Understand Your Love Language
1) Reflect: Ask yourself in what ways do you show love? Explore, and narrow it down to what is important to YOU.
2) Relate: Ask yourself how would you like others to show you, love? Often we love others the way we want to be loved and are disappointed when we don't receive it in the same way.
3) Relay: Now that you know YOUR love language, don't be afraid to communicate that with others. If you don't, how else will they learn? Relay the information to those you care about and allow them the opportunity to love you in a way that you understand. Let's learn to speak our love languages fluently, not broken.
Take the "The Five Love Languages" quiz below: